A Really, I Am Moment: New-Age Moms Make Me Burp!

Any Sanford and Son fans out there?  I'm asking because I want to make sure you understand when I say some things in life just give me gas!  If Fred Sanford didn't like something, his excuse was because it gave him gas or made him burp.  I've kind of adopted the phrase for stupid stuff that people do.  And in this Really, I Am rant, I'm targeting moms. 

Read more below and see photos

Yes, I know.  I normally stand united with moms all around the world, but there's just one in particular who struck a nerve one day.   If you know me, then you know it takes a lot to make me upset.   But this lady rubbed me the wrong way from "hello."  I could be over-reacting, but I'll let you be the judge.

One morning on my day off, I decided to get up and take my little niece for a walk to the park.  It was early and not too hot - yet.  We took a nice stroll down the trail overlooking the water.  Malaya chased after some ducks and proved that she was a big girl by walking on the paved ledge that separated the trail from the townhomes up the hill all by herself.   It was a carefree morning - just me, Malaya... and Beyonce playing on my phone.

The only worry I had was that Malaya is allergic to just about everything.  She started to itch just from walking in the sun.  Yes, I forgot sunscreen.  But she made it worse by lying down in a plush patch of grass and proceeded to roll down the hill.  All of a sudden care-freedom turned into panic. Malaya was fine.  I was freaking out!  

We were too far away from the house to turn around.  I wished I hadn't rushed out of the house and left my access card for the restrooms.  I thought if I could just cool her skin with some cold water, maybe it would stop the itching. 

All of this was going through my head as I chased this little 2-year-old down the trail - up the ledge, down the ledge, roll in the grass, stand up and scratch.  I couldn't catch her to save my life. I'm glad she was still her same bubbly self.  It made me calm down and laugh at myself for letting a toddler out run me.  Sad, I know.

As we neared the park, Malaya started to get tired.  I carried her the rest of the way to the playground.  Her limbs had these little red marks from rolling in the grass, but it didn't stop her from jumping from my arms and heading straight for the big slide.  

Everything was great until a woman came up to me and asked if I could take one of her Wet Wipes and "clean my daughter's hands."  She said her daughter was allergic to everything to the point of severe sickness that could be fatal. She was asking all the moms to do this to protect her daughter.  My first thought was to tell her to take her Wet Wipes and stuff them up her nose!  I was very offended.  

I took a deep breathe and literally told myself not to go off on this woman in the middle of the playground with all these kids running around.  I explained to her that Malaya also had allergies and maybe I should be concerned about her daughter touching my niece.  I called Malaya to me to show this Stepford wife the blotches on her skin and the eczema scares on arms and her knee.  

Before I knew it, I was almost yelling and going off in my mad-mama voice as if I was talking to my half-grown children.  In the midst of my rant, I realized that I still needed to cool Malaya's skin down a little.  So not only did I take one wipe, but I grabbed two and started running the cool cloths on her face, arms and legs. All the while, this woman was still standing in front of me apologizing.  She said she hated to have to ask everyone to do it, and it wasn't her intention to make me uncomfortable.  Sorry, I couldn't sympathize at that very moment.  I pretty much ignored everything else she said after I took the wipes.

 

Here's where my "Fred Sanford-esque" comes in (and my soapbox).  Moms have been raising kids since the beginning of time. The ones who do crazy stuff like this lady I consider wimpy moms, and I refer to them as new-age moms.  I think new-age moms like "Wet Wipes" mom are like Fred Sanford's gas bubble.  It rumbles in your belly, make a loud annoying noise coming out, and then vanishes into thin air.

The problem I have with new-age moms is that they feel that they have to reinvent the wheel to make their motherhood experience better than the next mom.  I think it's because they are so afraid of everything in life themselves that they transfer all of their fears onto their children.

When children are as young as the ones at the playground, they are always going to find something to get into.  It's natural.  They are curious.  They want to touch and taste everything within their reach.  You would have to keep them in a bubble to protect them from everything.

I totally get asking people to wash their hands or to use sanitizer before holding a newborn.  I even understand being cautious about who holds your baby.  But it's hard to have sympathy for someone who puts their child in harm's way, and then expect people to sympathize.

This woman offended a lot of moms that day.  She was pulling double-duty watching her child's every move and playing gatekeeper, approaching every mom who entered the playground with her children.  That's too much!  I wanted to tell her that if she was so concerned about her daughter catching something, then she shouldn't brought her to a public park. 

She didn't think about the effects of her selfish act.  I'm sure she thought it was clever and that she was being supermom by being super over-protective. But unless she bleached the whole playstructure from all the kids who played on it the day before, then there was no way she could protect that little girl from every germ with Wet Wipes. 

 

Now, that was the mean Annette - maybe not so much, but the sweet, loveable, never-does-anything-wrong-Annette felt bad for even thinking that this mom shouldn't bring her daughter to the park. She pays her association fees just like everyone else, right?   I wouldn't dare blame the little girl.  She was just as innocent and carefree as Malaya, with her blotchy skin; climbing, sliding and crawling everywhere.  She had just as much right to be at the park playing with her friends and learning how to be independent and social. Those are very important development skills for little ones. 

I just think the mother's method was all wrong. In the future, she could save a lot of energy and enjoy some relaxed playtime with her daughter with just a few of my suggestions.  First, instead of playing germ monitor, she should talk to the amenities manager to see if a handwashing or sanitizer station can be set up near the playground. That way, she's not the face of stupid-stick-up-the-butt mama. She could also choose a time to bring her child to the park when it's not so busy. Early mornings when every stay-at-home mom in the neighborhood is at the park with their kids may not be the best time.

Another idea is to set up play dates with her daughter's friends at home to have a little more control over personal contact.  Or, she could simply stay with her child at the park, keep her away from other kids and limit her playtime at a public park.  

I don't really care what she does.  It's her life. I only have a problem when someone tries to force their crap on me.  I do; however, pray for the little girl.  I pray that God will protect her throughout her life from things that could harm her like peanuts ...and her wimpy, gas-bubbling-mama.  That's really all she was - a fart in the wind.  I won't think about her anymore past this post. 

On the other hand, I will have wonderful memories of a walk to the park with my very rambunctious niece.  She was so tired on the way home that I had to carry her all the way back.  It was the longest walk of my life, but it didn't matter.  I had so much fun watching her play and exploring the great outdoors.  Instead of being overprotective, I got to share some memories of her learning independence and saying "I got it, Mommy!" (she calls everybody mommy) while trying to climb the platform to the slide.

  *Or screaming at the top of her lungs when I stood her on the fountain to take her picture...

...and minutes later...trying to climb in the fountain.  Kids are funny that way.  As moms, we have to be brave and not show fear just because the child is showing fear.  We are fearful because we've experienced the event.  We know what could happen.  But the child only knows that it's different and scary.  If we just let them figure it out on their own; they will be happier, and we will be less stressed. 

So in parting, I would tell new-age moms to enjoy the time they have with their children. They grow up so fast. Remember, we're preparing them to go out into the world, not to be afraid of the world.  We just have to put them in God's hands, but not in harms way, and they will be fine.