Depending on your answer, it could have an effect on how your children will perceive authority. I was listening to Steve Harvey this morning on my way to work. I turned on the radio in the middle of the conversation about respecting our elders. I think it was the topic for the question of the day, which was "Do you teach your children to say 'yes, ma'am' or 'yes, sir'?" The caller said that she was not teaching her children to say it because she thought it originated from slavery. She said she wasn’t sure, but they could “educate” her if she was wrong. She said that she teaches them to say yes or no to anyone, especially their elders; however they are not required to add ma'am or sir. Read more below...
The next caller replied to the above caller saying in so many words that we always pull the slavery card when we don't want to do something, but we will use the “N” word without blinking an eye. She went on to that the woman should have “educated” herself before teaching her children not to say it.
I’ve been wanting to get “Tuesday Editorial” going, so I thought this would be a good topic to kick it off. Lon and I have always taught Austin and Kingston to say yes, sir/no, sir or yes, ma’am/no ma’am to everyone, especially their elders. Most of the callers made it a North and South thing. Much of it referred to southerners as being oppressed and being forced to say it. Lon and I are a good representation of north and south. He grew up in Connecticut and Philadelphia, and in case I haven’t said it enough; I grew in the deep south-Mississippi. You would think our parenting styles would be different, but we have two mothers who grew up in totally different places who were taught the same thing. It made it easy for us to be on the same page in raising our children.
I can tell you firsthand from growing up in the south that if you didn't say "yes, sir" or "no, ma'am" you would get popped on the butt. And it didn't have to be my mom telling me to do it. To this day, I still address my elders as sir or ma'am or by the prefix Mr. or Miss and their first name or last. I feel that it's not only a sign of respect, but it also shows that that person, as Oprah says, "wants to be heard." They've been there and done that; and we should respect them for their life experiences.
I feel it's important not only for our seniors, but just in general. Addressing someone as sir or ma'am shows respect for authority. A simple yes or no puts a child on the same level as an adult or someone in a position of authority. There are not too many places in this country where you can address a figure of authority with a simple yes or no. Try the military, law enforcement or courtroom, and depending on your job, your boss. So why shouldn’t we teach our children to address our elders and people of authority that way?
If it's not being taught at home, the child will definitely learn it in school. Teachers are going to demand that children add the formality, or it could be a problem. One caller on the Steve Harvey Morning Show said that she received a call from her child's teacher because the child wouldn't say yes ma'am. She told the teacher that she doesn't make her child say it. She's fine as long as the child says “yes” or “no” and not “yeah” or “nah.” I can only imagine how the teacher must have felt, but I'm more concerned about what the mother is teaching her child by not making him/her do something the teacher has asked him to do. I feel she's already teaching the child to disrespect authority. If not for the formality, then for going against the teacher – who, mind you, is trying to educate HER child.
I get that it's possible that adding ma'am or sir to an affirmative or negative could have come from slavery, I'm not even going to research it...because I don't think it matters. The fact is everyone deserves respect, and we should be teaching our children manners. And let’s not forget the fact that God commands us in his Word to do so. Take 1 Peter 5:5 for example:
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Then there's Romans 13:1 (also 2-4):
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
And one more 1Peter 2:13-15:
V. 13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; v14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. v15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:...
Now here's where I have to play devil's advocate. I just stated above that everyone deserves respect, but of course we can find all sorts of reasons why someone doesn't. I believe respect is something that is earned. You have to give it to receive it. If you grew up in a house with an abusive or alcoholic parent, it may have been hard to respect them, let alone address them as sir or ma'am. Sometimes, it's really hard to respect someone who doesn't respect you. I quoted those scriptures above not just for you, but I need them, too. When I was younger, I didn't always like being told to say it, especially not from a neighbor or some lady at a voting precinct at age 18 (still mad about that one). But the older I got, the more I realized how it shaped my life and put me in the good graces of a lot of really good people.
That's the thing. We don't realize it when we are young what it means to our elders to be addressed with sir or ma'am. That's why we have to teach children what's right and wrong. All we know is we didn't like saying it when we were young, and now we're not going to teach our children to say it.
It's just like someone who was abused as a child who now refuses to spank their child(ren) or discipline them at all. Hence, our current generation of disrespectful, pants-sagging, baby-having-at-13, gun-wielding, little boogers.
I'm in no way saying that you should beat your child(ren). I definitely wouldn't tell you to do something we don't do. I can count of one hand the number of times Austin and King have been spanked in 15 years of parenting. We don't have to. I think they've learned a lot from watching us treat each other with love and respect. We also treat them with respect. They have a voice in the house, even though Lon and I make the ultimate decisions.
We also surrounded them by family who shared in the discipline. If King got into trouble at his uncle's house, then his uncle would handle it. We never stepped in and told any family member to leave the disciplining to us. It was important that they understood what it meant to respect other authoritative figures.
We all have our reasons for why we raise our children a certain way. Whether it's cultural, moral, geographical or generational, we play a huge part in how we shape their little lives. If you answered no to the post title question, I wish I could tell you to put aside your beliefs and principles and teach the child what I feel is right. But we all have a right to do as we please. Just remember, one day you will be classified as an elder. If we stop teaching our children basic manners, what kind of an existence can us 30-somethings looking forward to 30 years down the road? If young people aren't respecting their elders now, we are in serious trouble.
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Please let me know what you think. I'm not fragile. I won't break into a million pieces. We all have a right to our opinions. I just ask that you are R-E-S-P-E-C-Tful when leaving your comment. You can also email me at diaryofahappymom@gmail.com.
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