Sunday Inspirations: Lasting Memories From a Conversation on Grades

This is an old diary entry that I wrote a couple of years ago when I was thinking about starting the blog.  I originally posted it this past January , but then I took it down.  I'm not sure why.  But I think it's more relevant now for three reasons: Father's Day, end of school and Sunday Inspirations.  Lon is a great father.  He's not perfect, but he puts his whole heart into making sure his children are always learning something.  Dealing with Kingston's failing grades his first round of the third grade was difficult for him. 
The post below is about a conversation we had on the way home from work one day during our carpooling days. I had been at my current job for about six months, and even though we were on the downside of a very difficult time; the effects were still present.  Seeing the kids' grades suffer, made me regret not quitting my previous job sooner than I did.  But Lon stepped in and helped give Kingston the confidence he needed to get back on track.  So a big Happy Father's Day to my husband and all the wonderful daddies out there.  You definitely make a difference in your child's life; therefore making the world a better place.   
Oh, by the way, there's an update to the post at bottom of the page.
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A funny thing happened on the way home from work the other day.  My daughter, Austin, called to tell me and her dad that she had a surprise for us when we got home.  We knew it was report card day, so I asked if that was the surprise.  She laughed and said no.  I told her we couldn’t wait to hear all about it.

See what happened when you read on... 

After I hung up the phone, Lon immediately went into plan mode.  This is how he gets through the day.  Everything has to be planned out.  His daughter is very much like him in that way.  The plan he so carefully laid out was that we would not make a big deal out of her grades.  We would keep the celebration to a minimum. 

 When I asked why, I don’t think I was quite ready for the answer. He said he didn’t want to crush our son’s confidence.  King had gotten his report card the day before and he didn’t do very well.  I disagreed with Lon's plan.  Austin deserved to be praised for her grades.  The last two years had been life changing for her.  She struggled in elementary school with grades like her brother is bringing home now.  She even spent the summer before the 7^th grade in summer school.  We were very scared for her and very hard on her at the same time.

Then something clicked her 7^th grade year.  Her grades improved immensely. They still weren’t the best, but we could see that she was getting it.  For instance, she went from a D/F in Math in the 6^th grade to a C in the 7^th.  

Now she’s in the 8^th grade, and she’s maintaining a high B average in Math.  To make it even better, she’s been on A-B honor roll the last two nine weeks.  In my eyes, that’s something to celebrate.  I felt she needed to hear how proud we were of her.  After all, she was so excited when I talked to her on the phone.

I tried to get Lon to see my side of things on our 45-minute drive home.  We were half way home before he finally made a point that hit home for me.  He made me remember how hard it was for him high school, but it went even farther back to before we met.  He said somewhere down the line he lost his enthusiasm for learning because he could never compete with his younger sister and brother’s grades.  They were the A and B students who got all the praise and lived in more stable environments during the early years of their childhood.  Lon moved around a lot while his mother was in medical school.  That wasn’t the big issue, though.  He had a lot of really great influences in his life.  He just lost his love for learning and spent most of his grade school years in remedial type classes.  He probably could have done better, but he simply stopped trying.

To drive his point even further, he added how easy it is for teachers to label students.  It’s sad to say, but I feel it happens more for black children than any other race.  His concern was that if King lost his love for learning and started acting out, he would be labeled and teachers would give up on trying to teach him.  It’s especially true in a state where assessment tests dictate what and how children will learn.   

Teachers just don’t have the time to really teach their students.  Everything is so test-prep focused. When children aren’t learning and feel like no one cares, they tend to act out to get attention.  King is already a class clown, a very smart class clown, but an attention seeker no less.  Right now, his teachers love him.  His biggest problem is an occasional good joke at the wrong time that gets him in trouble.  But what happens when his grades drop even more and he stops showing interest in learning?  Will his teachers feel the same way?  Will they stop trying to teach him or will they just pass him just to get him out their class?

Another issue we discussed as we drove the final leg of our carpool was the future of the young black male who loses interest in learning.  Lon believes a child who isn’t learning is idol.  The saying goes, “An idol mind is the devil’s workshop.” A child who isn’t learning is usually causing trouble in class.  Combine that with a teacher who no longer cares and you have a child who will start skipping school and eventually drop out.

I did a little research online just to get a little more insight.  Educator and author of the book, Reducing the Male Dropout Rate by Jawanza Kunjufu, put it in to perspective for me.  He says approximately 100,000 African American males drop out of high school each year.  That amounts to more than a million black males over a 10-year period.  That was enough for me.  By the time we pulled into our driveway, I was convinced we shouldn’t celebrate Austin’s grades in King’s presence. It seems like something so small, but you just never know what can trigger a child’s loss of interest in learning.  We want to do everything in our power to make sure our children succeed in life.  And that means praising and encouraging them even when they’re not doing so good in school.

That night, two things happened.  First, King was upstairs when we walked into the house.  We were able to celebrate our daughter’s A’s and B’s without worrying about the effects on our son.  Then Lon called King downstairs and sat down and helped him with his math homework.  It was a beautiful picture as I watched them from the kitchen.  I cooked dinner that night knowing that our conversation in the car hit home just as much for Lon as it had for me.

Since then, he has led the charge in King's education.  He takes him to the bookstore and listens to him read at night.  He also helps him with his homework on a regular basis.  While it doesn’t happen every night, I can tell it’s making a huge difference in his progress.  Not only is it great and positive bonding time, but it’s also quality time that every son needs from his father.  It's going to help build his character and create memories that will last a lifetime.

UPDATE TO LASTING MEMORIES..