Who You Calling Dark-Skinned & Stuckup!

Some of you may be wondering why I chose to do a blog, and why I keep putting all these posts on Facebook. It’s probably annoying.  I know…you can tell me.  Well, everything I mentioned in About Me and About DHM still applies, but I’m also doing it for other more personal reasons.  
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I’ve spent so many years of my life with my head stuck in a hole, hiding from people and from life itself.   Don’t get me wrong.  I love people and life, but I’ve never been a people-person.  My guards are up at all times and I only let a few select people into my world.  Not something I’m proud of at all.  It’s just the way I’ve been all my life.  Don’t know how to fix it except through prayer (asking the Lord to change my heart and mind and to take away the fear); and by getting out and being more social, which I find very difficult. What’s not difficult is sharing my life through writing, and that’s why I’m doing do it. 

When I was teenager and someone wanted to know something about me, they would ask my friends who the dark-skinned, stuck-up girl was.  I was ok with the dark-skinned part [not really ;-) ], but I found the stuck-up part very offensive because it wasn’t a true description of my character.   I knew it deep down inside, but some where down the line that whole verbal communication thing just never caught on, that’s all.  

My mom was never able to make me talk.  She would be so embarrassed when someone would just say hello to me and ask me how I was doing.  First, my mom would ask me if I heard the person talking to me.  I would say yes.  Then my mom would say “then open up your mouth and talk!”  I still wouldn’t say a word.  I’d get a good tongue-lashing once we got in the car or out of that person’s sight.  “Won’t even open your mouth to say ‘moo’” my mom would say.  “Making it look like you don’t have good home training!” 

That was years ago, but now here I am…30…coughing…years old, and I feel like I’m just coming alive.  I want to be more social.  I want friends and people in my life.  It’s a sad existence this life I’m living.  Thank God for my husband and children, or I would be alone.  It’s ok, don’t feel sorry for me.  It’s all my fault. There are so many people who love me and want to be around me.  I just push them away.  I don’t return phone calls, and I don’t call people-not even family- on a regular basis. I was really bad about this when we were going through our crisis a few years ago.  During that time, I not only stopped calling people, but I stopped answering my phone altogether.  And don’t let  anyone other than the few select people in my circle get too close. The walls would go up, and I would lose yet another good person in my life.  Yeah, I’ve got serious trust issues.

But it’s all about to end, though.   I’m ready to tear down the walls.  I’ve already started with the blog and letting mostly complete strangers into my life.  I’m being as candid as I possibly can without telling you too much of my business.  Take for instance, the picture of me being attacked by bugs on the Mississippi River levee, or the pictures of my junky and disorderly garage, or the “Coming Out of Hiding” album on my Facebook page.  And don’t get me started on the countless pictures of my children. Ok…ok...that’s enough!  I’m hyperventilating just thinking about it!  I hope that through the blog, people will see me in a different light.  I’m the farthest thing from stuck-up and anti-social…just not sociable.

The second personal reason for the blog is because I feel that God has given me so much in my lifetime that I owe it to Him to do more with my life.  The whole point of Christianity is to be Christ-like and to witness to people about the goodness of our Saviour.  Well, I’ve got the first part right.  I try to live my life as an example of Christ, but that doesn’t matter if I’m not allowing people in my life to witness to.  I fail miserably on that part. God didn’t give me this life to keep to myself, but that’s exactly what I’ve done all my life.

That’s all over.  I’m on a mission to live my life to the fullest.  To take my head out of the hole and put myself out there – no matter what happens and how people perceive me. Talking about Jesus and Christianity is something I didn’t do before either, but now I am.  Through my blog and my life…and yes, my mouth.

The whole point of all of this and the message I hope you will take from this is that life is too short to live it in a box and to let your own personal fears and things from your past hold you back.  Live this one life now and share it with others now!  Whatever it is in your life that you’ve always wanted to do, get started doing it now.  If there’s someone you need to love more, listen to more, talk to more or visit more…do it now!  Pray and ask God to break the chains that bind you.  Ask Him to open your heart and take away the fear and doubt.

There is so much I want to do and that I’m going to start doing. I have so many family members that I would like to get to know better or reconnect with.  I also owe many apologies to friends I haven't talked to in years for no other reason than just being comfortable in my own little box - by myself. 

Part two of my plan to evolve is to show up, stay and enjoy events when someone takes the time to invite me. So when you invite me to an event thinking “Annette’s not going to come, but I’m going to send her the invite anyway.”  Watch out, because I might be calling your bluff.  And be careful sending me the bulk Facebook invitations to events at TPC Sawgrass or events in support of the new Mayor because I might just show up.  I hope you will receive me with open arms and not with an “OMG, she actually came.” :-)

All I’m saying is nothing is off limits. Well, some things are.  Never said I was doing this Girls Gone Wild style or on the wild side. After all, I am 30…clearing my throat…years old.