Movie Monday: To Be Or Not To Be...Transformed

Let me start with a disclaimer: I am not a big fan of action movies. This review will reflect that. Don’t get me wrong, I like them, but I can watch them or not watch them.  If I’m trying to spend time with Lon or Lon and kids, then I’ll sit through one. 
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I watched the first Transformers movie because it brought back childhood memories of when the gigantic Autobots were a Saturday morning cartoon hit.  My little brother had all the transformer cars and trucks, so there was some nostalgia there.  And filmmakers know exactly what they’re doing. They know they’ve got to wave muscles in front of the screen to catch the attention of a girl like me.  

Luckily for Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, it had enough hotness to hold my attention.  Ok…I’m lying.  It really didn’t.  I went from being all excited to finally get the family together for my favorite thing-to-do, to really getting into the movie at the beginning with the original JFK and NASA footage… and Steven Spielberg’s or Michael Bay’s version of why we really made the first trip to the moon, to nodding off and checking out my Facebook page.

Two things that really frustrated me from the start were the absence of Megan Fox and the huge time lapse of Tyrese’s first appearance. I couldn’t remember anything about Megan Fox’s character dying at the end of Part 2, or hearing about Tyrese working on another project that caused a conflict with making part 3. So I sat in the movie feeling robbed that he wasn’t in the first hour and a half. 

Megan Fox

I started to regret sitting in the lobby of the theatre with Kingston two weeks prior.  We were waiting on Austin and her friend to come out of The Green Lantern.  Kingston saw the huge Transformers display.  He looked at me and said, “We gotta come back to see that!”  If he hadn’t seen that display and all the previews on the flat screen TV’s afterwards, I probably could’ve gotten away with waiting for the DVD to come out on Netflix or Redbox – like we did with the other two.

Speaking of parts 1 & 2, I was on the opposite ends of the pole with them.  I thought the first one was really good.  It reminded me of Independence Day.  It made me feel proud to be an American after watching it.  But on the other hand, I didn’t really connect with the second one.  There were some funny parts, but for the most part, I wasn’t into it.

But there’s no shame in my game.  I’ll be honest.  Besides the family time, I went to see this movie for three reasons: Tyrese, Shia LaBeouf and Josh Duhamel.  To my surprise, I got a bonus when Patrick Dempsey walked onto the scene.  Listen, I know I sound a little  boy crazy, but I’m really not.  Oh wait, I’m lying again. J But seriously, I just have certain actors that I really like who also are easy on the eyes.  Those guys are, no doubt, the eye candy for this movie minus LaBeouf. He’s like a cute little cousin…but a great actor no less. 

Tyrese, Josh & Shia

Just because......

There are so many other male characters in this movie who I would watch anything they’re in, and they’re not even lead actors. Take for instance, everybody’s favorite Asian dude, Ken Jeong.  I first saw him in The Hangover.  He was effortlessly hilarious, and everything I’ve seen him in since would have been less of a flick without him. 

 

Then there’s my favorite goofy Italian, John Turturro.  We go way back to when he was a Pino in Spike Lee’s School Daze.  He was also a wonderful surprise in TF3.  His character, Simmons and LaBeouf’s, Sam Witwicky make a great team.  They prove every time to know more about what’s going on than the super-secret intelligence agency.  And don’t even get me started on John Malkovich.  He is so eerily weird, yet out-of-the-box.  It makes him stand out and very good at what he does.  I mean, what was up with the red cup on the yellow floor?  Hilarious!!  And he thought the woman was crazy for using the red cup?  Really?!

Jeong in The Hangover

Turturro with Spike Lee in School Daze

So there! I don’t only like hot, chiseled, come-rescue-me types. I’m not so shallow now, am I?  Really, TF3 was way too long – for me.  Ninety minutes is about all I can take of countless explosions and gunfire.  In TF3’s case, it was too much clinkety-clank, boom-boom, PING! !

Is it just me or did anyone else notice that the movie didn’t get interesting until Tyrese came on the scene?  That first 90 minutes was all background and setup for what was going to happen in the second half.  I understand that things change, and if you’re going to make a part 3 to a movie; some things are going to be different.  I mean, I couldn’t expect Lennox (Duhamel) and Epps (Tyrese) to be in the military together forever, right?  Some people do their duty and move on and others move up.  So I appreciated the fact that Lennox worked his way up the ranks, while Epps went to work for NASA.  But there were plenty of times in, what I’ll refer to as part 1, when I just knew Lennox was going to bust out of the command center, find Epps and kick some robotic alien butt! 

It did finally happen, in what I’ll call part 2, when Sam found Epps at NASA.  Look, I’m not going into to detail about this movie.  It’s been number one at the box office for two weeks now.  Everybody who wanted to see it has seen it by now. I’m just a romantic-movie-loving-woman sharing her very biased thoughts on the top movie in the country. No pressure there, right?  I’m actually surprised that I’m going against the grain on this one.  It’s a popular movie, but I’m dogging it. 

That’s all about to change because my eyes were glued to the big screen during part 2.  I wish I could show you the notes I was typing in my phone.  I’m really bad with the touch screen keyboard.  Some of the words I pecked will never make it into Webster’s dictionary, but I couldn’t watch and type fast enough. 

Honestly, I didn’t really get into it until I finally saw Lennox out on the battleground (downtown Chicago) where he belonged – with Epps.  Then all of a sudden, there were these great effects with paratroopers jumping out of a plane with exploding Decepticon parts coming at them, and a leaning building with almost all the main characters inside. 

 Now I’m on the edge of my seat.  I’ve got to see how they’re going to get out of this one.  How else!  “Jump out the window,” yells Epps.   And they all proceed to jump out of the top floor of a leaning office building to escape a Decepticon.  It was brilliant!  Even though I was thinking as I watched intently, “That was really dumb!  What are you going to do now?”  Just when I completed the thought, Epps yells to his slipping and sliding buddies, “Shoot the glass!”  They all start shooting, and land in an office by the skin of their teeth.  

There was so much action going on at this point.  But nothing beats how Optimus Prime rolled in and started kicking butt and taking names!  I love him.  He’s my favorite Autobot.  So majestic!  I loved how the Autobot-friend-turn-enemy thought he had defeated Optimus.   He cut off one of his arms and jabbed him in the metal gut.  Optimus was down for a minute, but I love how he got up and loaded his mechanical gun with his good arm and blasted his old Autobot buddy.

Hold up one minute!!!  I’m talking about this movie now like I really liked it!  What’s up with the switch!  Who am I? And what have I done with romantic-movie-loving-girl???  It’s too late, I’m all over it now, even though it’s about to end.  I must admit it was a great movie. And if it were a two and a half hour love story, I would’ve dreaded it coming to an end.  So I can’t knock the director/producers for giving true action adventure, sci-fi fans what they crave.

I have a few things, though, in closing that I must address.  First, who was the blonde bombshell and why wasn’t Megan Fox there? You know I did some research.  Read what happened here.

British blondy, Carly, played by model, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, was not believable as Sam’s girlfriend.  At any minute, part 1 or 2; I thought she was going to reach behind her ear and pull off her fake latex, or in her case, silicone body and reveal her real robotic evilness.  I was thoroughly surprised with her…and I wish I had those legs!

Huntington-Whiteley

Secondly, Sam kills Dr. McDreamy!!! What!!  I thought it was played out well, but I couldn’t fathom Patrick Dempsey going down like that.    And lastly, this might have been in the last two movies, but I don’t remember seeing this human quality that the Autobots and Decepticons had in TF3. I didn’t like how the Autobot-friend-turn-enemy had this red, blood-like drool coming out of his mouth at the end.  There were some other scenes like that, too, with stuff spewing everywhere during the final battle.  I think we connect enough with the transformers that we don’t need them to be like us.  I’m sure it was supposed to be oil or fuel or something, but I didn’t need to see it.

All in all, this was a really great movie. The effects were masterful and the acting was impeccable. I just couldn’t help being relieved when it was over.   It was great to see it all play out in my favorite city.  I left movie with one question on my mind.  While most people were wondering if there was going to be a number 4, I just wanted to know who was going to rebuild Chicago. 

Kingston, on the other hand, waited until the end of the movie to ask the question I asked in the beginning: “Hey, what happened to the other girl?” he asked.  As we walked out of the theatre, I was happy about how the movie picked up in part 2; but I was still feeling robbed about Megan Fox.  I just shrugged my shoulders at Kingston and said,  “I don’t know, but I plan to find out.”